[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1527475450728{margin-bottom: 33px !important;}”]<\/p>\n
Conflict resolution is an art rather than a science, because each situation presents so many unique variables. Each individual\u2019s temperament, perceptions, baggage, etc. all come into play. Should we hash it out? Insist? Give in? Or just walk away? There\u2019s no one-size-fits-all approach.<\/span><\/p>\n So we can all use as much practice as we can get, especially young children. Beyond exposing our children to everyday social situations \u2014 play dates and trips to the park \u2014 how can we help children learn to manage and resolve conflict?<\/span><\/p>\n In short, by allowing them to\u00a0experience\u00a0<\/i>it with our support. Providing this support means learning when and how to intervene. Here are some of my intervention do\u2019s and don\u2019ts:<\/span><\/p>\n 1.\u00a0Don\u2019t<\/b><\/i>\u00a0<\/b>resolve conflicts for them<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s a big challenge to let go of our adult wish to tie a neat bow around our children\u2019s disagreements and avoid their emotional outbursts. But our interventions can prevent children from learning much of anything other than that they are dependent on us to fix these situations, incapable of handling conflicts themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n Resolving it for them<\/span><\/i>\u00a0includes\u00a0<\/span>demanding that toddlers share\u00a0<\/span><\/a>or take turns, as well as offering ideas and suggestions like, \u201cHow about you both hold onto the pail and carry it together? There you go!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n [\/vc_column_text][stm_blockquote blockquote_view_style=”bordered” css=”.vc_custom_1527476068425{margin-top: 11px !important;}”]<\/p>\n The challenge for parents is to allow children to safely engage in conflict and resolve it their way, rather than letting our discomfort or impatience get the better of us. The more we say and do for our children in these situations, the less they will learn to handle themselves. Trust and patience must precede learning.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n [\/stm_blockquote][vc_single_image image=”5183″ img_size=”large”][vc_column_text]<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0Don\u2019t<\/i>\u00a0neglect to protect<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Some misinterpret \u201crespectful discipline\u201d as simply telling children not to hit, bite, etc., rather than physically intervening.\u00a0Children need both<\/i>. They need us to be ready to prevent these harmful behaviors if possible, blocking or holding children\u2019s hands and calmly shadowing children who have demonstrated these behaviors in the past (or seem in an out-of-sorts mood that day).<\/span><\/p>\n 3.\u00a0Don\u2019t\u00a0<\/i>shame or lecture by pointing out the obvious<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n One of our goals should be to help children build confidence to deal with conflicts, but much of the expert advice commonly given strips confidence away. A friend shared this exchange she\u2019d had with her toddler\u2019s prospective teacher:<\/span><\/p>\n When I asked what the teacher does when there\u2019s conflict, she said something along these lines of, \u201cI show the child \u2013 look at John\u2019s face, he is hurt, do you see how he looks? Do you see how your actions hurt John?\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n As I told my friend, this type of response is one of my pet peeves. It\u2019s heavy-handed, shaming and underestimates our children\u2019s awareness. Kids are even more sensitive than we are, and beginning at birth it is next to impossible for them not to register the feelings of those around them. Hitting or pushing has much less to do with \u201cJohn\u201d, much more to do with what\u2019s going on inside the \u201cperpetrator\u201d. Generally, these are momentary impulses beyond a young child\u2019s control, and our job is to help toddlers with these impulses, not rub their noses in the consequences of their actions.<\/span><\/p>\n 4.\u00a0Don\u2019t\u00a0<\/i>speak in exclamation points, use an angry tone or expression<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Again, this creates shame, erodes confidence and fuels the undesirable behavior by giving it negative attention.<\/span><\/p>\n 5.\u00a0Don\u2019t<\/i>\u00a0take sides<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n Taking sides creates \u201cbad guys\u201d and \u201chelpless victims\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n Which brings me to the\u00a0do\u2019s<\/i><\/b>\u2026<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n 1.\u00a0<\/i>Make \u201cremain neutral\u201d your mantra<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n 2. Acknowledge both sides (<\/span><\/b>sportscasting<\/span><\/b><\/a>)<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n 3. Protect children<\/span><\/b>\u00a0by preventing hitting, pushing or repetitive toy taking calmly and confidently, and shadow a child who seems to be having a difficult day.<\/span><\/p>\n If children seem to be caught in a pattern of hitting, biting, pushing (or other limit-pushing behavior), they need our help and protection, not our scolding.\u00a0 They might be:<\/span><\/p>\n If we don\u2019t catch the behavior in time to prevent it, firmly and matter-of-factly remind the child, \u201cYou want that toy, but I won\u2019t let you hit\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t want you to hit.\u201d Leave it at that.<\/span><\/p>\n 4. Let infants and toddlers take toys<\/span><\/b>, because this is on their short list of \u201cplaying together\u201d possibilities.\u00a0 Only intervene to protect an older toddler\u2019s more elaborate projects or when a child seems stuck in a pattern of toy taking. (For more on this, please read\u00a0<\/span>What to Do About A Toddler Toy Taker<\/span><\/a>.)<\/span><\/p>\n 5.\u00a0<\/i>Keep an open mind<\/span><\/b>\u00a0\u2013 This means allowing children to do it their way, which will be different from our way most of the time. Trust is our biggest challenge.<\/span><\/p>\n 6. Wait<\/span><\/b>\u00a0rather than putting a time limit on conflict, even if it seems intense. If no one\u2019s getting hurt, it is healthy for children to release these feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We provided 4 classes with 9 to 12 children earch aged 12 months to 5 years of age.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5183,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[108],"tags":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/kids-reconcile-JT-Blog-Image.jpg?fit=1756%2C992","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5182"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5182"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5182\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5206,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5182\/revisions\/5206"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5183"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5182"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5182"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/mutiara.k-eduplex.net\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5182"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n